Friday, 29 January 2010

Here is what I had to say

You know, I have this problem. I am too nice, sometimes I wish I was plain rude. Do you ever get this? You just wish to say what is on your mind, no matter how harsh. Some experiences, scenes and emotions that I have experienced had a big impact on me and I will probably always remember them mainly because how I reacted to them but honestly because how I didn’t react to them. I was in a number of situations where I saw people being rude or unjust to me or others, sometimes I reacted fittingly, sometimes I reacted poorly where I wish I had stood up more and the worst is when I didn’t react at all, which comes back hunting me for a long time after. Every time I witness or am in such a scene and then leave without giving a response either because I didn’t have one or because I supposedly am in control of myself this feeling builds up in me, spreads in my body, lingers under my skin and tingles. This annoying uncomfortable restless tingling remains for two days and occurs ever again when I have to think about this or that situation.

This scene I’m going to tell you about happened two years ago, it crosses my mind from time to time so I thought I will share it with you. My mum and I were food shopping at this mall in Bahrain. The supermarket is on the second floor and there are these special straight escalators that transport people and trolleys up and down. In front of one of these escalators was the crime scene. A young Bahraini woman, you know one of those fancy ladies with their perfect hair, perfect makeup, Clavin Klein jeans, Gucci bag, and Chanel glasses was about to go down one of those escalators, an Indian man with a shopping trolley where his little son of maybe 5 or so was sitting in are walking right behind her. The Indian man was talking to his son and both were laughing very hardly, it was just so adorable. The man accidently hit the woman’s hip very lightly, it is impossible that it could have hurt. The man pulled back the trolley straight away, apologized at least ten times. Now two main points to make things clear for you, the first is the woman wasn’t hurt and couldn’t have been hurt, nothing was broken, nothing really happened and the man apologized many times. The second point was that the man is Indian, a lot of Indians in the Middle East are labor and a lot of arrogant Arabs seriously believe they are something better when actually they are not. Now to the shocking part, the woman turned around with a normal face expression and when she saw the man who was honestly apologizing she exploded. She started to yell, insult, offend and basically over react in every single way in front of everyone but more importantly in front of the man’s little son. All I could see was this little boy’s expression, his world was falling apart. What else would anyone expect? When you are five years old your dad is a hero to you, he comes right after Spiderman or Superman or whoever you like most. Your dad is strong, confident, knows everything, can solve anything and above all protect you. And there at a tender five years old you realize the harsh truth way too soon that it is not true. My super dad isn’t all that what I thought he was. Here he is and he cannot even respond to the woman, he cannot even protect himself, how can he protect me? I bet the strong father figure crumbled right in front of his eyes. Watching the little boy’s eyes hurt me, it took my emotions to whole another level, it wasn’t just feelings anymore it was physically harsh and painful.

I regret that I didn’t say anything, it bothers me until now, and I hate to think that I was just standing there. I know it is too late but here is what I wanted to say “Fuck you, who the hell do you think you are? Do you truly actually believe that you are anything better? Do you? Because I don’t just know that you are utterly nothing better but I even highly doubt that you are equal to that man since you cannot even be considerate enough to understand and accept a sincere apology. You yell, insult, and dramatize something too small and insignificant to be mentioned and make a fool of yourself. All I see is a cruel dramatic racist.”


  1. Wow sis, easy there. I’d like to say that to her too actually. Who does she think she is?!!! Even IF someone is a big shot, which she clearly isn't, that doesn’t give them the right to treat someone else that way. Things like that just make me wanna’ explode!!

  2. @Anonymous:

    see this is exactly what I mean I don't want to take it easy because it is not right, some people need to get a wake up call.

  3. this post moved me. I have felt the same, worse when i had not reacted at all over something just because i had been afraid to speak then.i have tried to change myself,but sometimes words just hold back.i wish there was equality in this world,where everyone would treat each other with respect. Reading this post reminded me of a similar incident that i had witnessed or at times when i had been the victim,and then i feel hurt when my mind drifts away towards those bitter memories. I wish i could erase them.

  4. @sun:

    I know exactly how you feel and it doesn't feel good, all I can say is keep trying to change, to speak up, since I am still learning to do it myself.

  5. Es sind diese Situationen, die einen Menschen stärker machen. In der Jugend ärgert man sich zu Recht, dass man in der Situation geschwiegen hat und denkt, ach hätte ich doch... aber wenn Du älter wirst, erkennst Du, dass genau diese Situationen in der Jugend Dich geprägt haben und Dich in Zunft den Mund nicht halten lassen!! Schrei so laut Du kannst! Ich nehme mir das auch immer vor, wenn ich solche Situationen sehe, oder sagen wir, wenn ich bemerke, es könnte jetzt so kommen. Dann warte ich nur drauf, denke mir, los, machs Du alte Ziege, machs nur, dann lernst Du mich kennen... und es passiert nichts, weil sie schon meinen Blick sehen, weil sie merken, ein Wort noch und ich brülle los.

    Nimm Dir diesen kleinen indischen Jungen als gedanklichen Paten für alle Ungerechtigkeiten, die Du miterlebst und mach einfach Deinen Mund auf. Er wird weniger darunter gelitten haben als Du, denn sein Vater wird ihm, so er ein guter Vater ist, schon früh gesagt haben, dass es Menschen gibt, die hochnäsig und ekelhaft sind und dass man sie am besten ignoriert.

    Nimm es einfach als Anlass immer zu sagen, was Du denkst und lass Dich von keinem aufhalten.

  6. Hello,

    Omar Al-Mokhtar a Libyan revolutionist said "The hit that does not break the back in fact it makes it stronger"

    Our Knowledge, our life is built upon the accumulation of the experiences we face and the observation we make through what we see, what we read and what we feel.

    Our brain will bring these pictures again and again to our reality of day to day life not because we did not react at that time, but the fact we are not ready yet to act once this happened again, or we did not yet take our decision what we suppose to do once such act happened to us again.

    These pictures should not be erased from our memory because it is part of us and our history therefore; it is part of our character. We need to learn how to live with them then analyze them and know how to use that part of experience and knowledge for any future events.

    Mariam learn to face bad experiences in your life the way you face the good one, ask yourself how should I prevent it next time, not how to react once it happened. Bad experience we should know how to live with them if they happened and learn how not to let them happened again in our life NOT HOW TO REACT ONCE THEY HAPPEN.

    Your PaPa …Hani

  7. Hani, I said the same in German words ;-))

  8. bad experiences do make us learn hani,i have learnt to live with them but still, they are not good memories i wish to keeep.
    Thank God mariam you make me feel i am not the only one in the learning stage

  9. @ die Tante:

    I respond most of the time when I am involved especially these past three years but when I'm not I normally keep away, this is when I wish I would but then again in the situation it self I tell my self that it has nothing to do with me, but I guess I need to learn when to say something even when I am not involved because I can help and when to just keep out of it. But yea I guess I will learn out of those situations the hard way.

  10. @ amthal:

    To be honest even though it hurts I am not always ready to face every situation that is similar to the one in the post but I am ready for some, it depends on the situation it self, but I want to change and I guess this is the start.

    As for preventing that these situations happen that is not always in my hand but I guess you can say some could be prevented but I also need to handle each situation before or after the best way possible and this needs time I guess. Growing physically just happens but mentally is a challenge that is for me to work on.

  11. @sun:

    you know what is weird, years back I used to think once you are in your twenties you are old enough, mature enough to handle everything, the ready package. But now (even though I am not in my twenties yet) but at university most of my friends are in their twenties and they are all just like me learning, unsure, self conscious. I guess I only now truly understand when people say "one never stops learning".

  12. I have seen many situations happen like this, it's revolting. I hate how the whole *Class* thing goes into Khaleeji women's head too much.

    I have been in her situation a lot of times. Actually I have been touched my accident quite a few times in inappropriate areas. I was afraid to overreact which was what I wanted to do since I felt that I was touched inappropriately by a man. I didn't overreact because when I looked at the person's eyes I could see that the apology was sincere.

    Woman can be very irrational and dramatic. Sad, but true.

    I would agree with you on the fact that when things do not happen to me and are not related to me in any way, I don't interfere as it isn't any of my business. I mean, a girl like her would flip out even more and scream in my face asking me, "Who are you to tell me what to do."

    I do react instantly to anything that happens with me, I try my best to do so in the wisest way, but sometimes I do think back and wish I had said something more, or wish I had said something less, or thank God that I haven't said anything.

  13. @Arab-esque:

    Everyone is put into a situation where they don't know how to behave or act. I was also put in some situation where I did react in some way or another and later wished that I reacted more or less or different and then they hunt us I guess this is the only way to learn even if it hurts.

  14. Mariam, you know how much shit I get for saying what ever the hell I want? People hate me because I say everything on my mind, let it be damn rude, let it be nice, its the truth. I have tried so many times to watch what I say, even the stuff I have in my head, I say because I know it isnt me to keep the inside my head.

    But believe me sister no matter how upfront I am. I would of been hesitant in that situation also. Don't feel too bad.

  15. @perfectly.imperfect:

    it is not just that situation but this one got me thinking.......
    A lot of people think when you don't do anything at all you will never have to regret anything but I find it just the opposite.

  16. Hi Mariam!
    It''s so great to find a fellow blogger linked to Bahrain!
    A lot of the things you talk about on your blog I discuss on my Youtube channel (as well as professionally- cross cultural issues, toleration etc.), and it's so great that you're having this important discussion so publicly.

    One thing I should caution you about is giving away too may details about yourself to the general blogesphere... because there are a LOT of odd people out there!

    Anyway keep up the awesome work, and I'll keep following!

    Oh and if you're interested here's my channel

    All the best,
    (oh and this post touched me on so many levels... it's so true, and so eloquently written.... breaks my heart every time I see something like that happen.... and from now on I'm going to say something. Thank you.)

  17. @LG:

    thanks for your comment, by the way, the first time I heard of you is when I saw one of your youtube videos about Bahrain. I was bored and randomly typed bahrain in the youtube search bar.

    Good job, I like it that someone from Bahrain is on youtube, I think it's awesome =)

    By the way, don't worry I have been blogging for ages now, I had a blog even before this, I had my share of weirdness with blogs :S

  18. assalamualaikum.
    hi mariam.i hope you're doing well over there.i'd love to see a your blog :p it's been empty sheets.

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  20. @Sakinah:
    I'm really sorry I have been busy for a bit......
    Another problem is that I don't like what I write so I don't publish it...
    I'm really complicated I know.......
    thanks for following the blog, it makes me want to work harder on it :D

  21. Assalamu aleikum my dear sister Mariam,
    I pray that Allah makes the days easy for you.I think i've been in your shoes,the difference is,i like what i wrote,but i don't publish them because I don't like people to read them :-)

    They're kept safe in a book called 'diary' :-)

    well,i guess i could say 'welcome to the club!'.trust me there're a lot of people out there who are in the same boat with you,but life must go on,right?

    الحمدلله بالاسلام
    بنعمة الاهل والمال

    Have a nice day Mariam!