You know, I have this problem. I am too nice, sometimes I wish I was plain rude. Do you ever get this? You just wish to say what is on your mind, no matter how harsh. Some experiences, scenes and emotions that I have experienced had a big impact on me and I will probably always remember them mainly because how I reacted to them but honestly because how I didn’t react to them. I was in a number of situations where I saw people being rude or unjust to me or others, sometimes I reacted fittingly, sometimes I reacted poorly where I wish I had stood up more and the worst is when I didn’t react at all, which comes back hunting me for a long time after. Every time I witness or am in such a scene and then leave without giving a response either because I didn’t have one or because I supposedly am in control of myself this feeling builds up in me, spreads in my body, lingers under my skin and tingles. This annoying uncomfortable restless tingling remains for two days and occurs ever again when I have to think about this or that situation.
This scene I’m going to tell you about happened two years ago, it crosses my mind from time to time so I thought I will share it with you. My mum and I were food shopping at this mall in Bahrain. The supermarket is on the second floor and there are these special straight escalators that transport people and trolleys up and down. In front of one of these escalators was the crime scene. A young Bahraini woman, you know one of those fancy ladies with their perfect hair, perfect makeup, Clavin Klein jeans, Gucci bag, and Chanel glasses was about to go down one of those escalators, an Indian man with a shopping trolley where his little son of maybe 5 or so was sitting in are walking right behind her. The Indian man was talking to his son and both were laughing very hardly, it was just so adorable. The man accidently hit the woman’s hip very lightly, it is impossible that it could have hurt. The man pulled back the trolley straight away, apologized at least ten times. Now two main points to make things clear for you, the first is the woman wasn’t hurt and couldn’t have been hurt, nothing was broken, nothing really happened and the man apologized many times. The second point was that the man is Indian, a lot of Indians in the Middle East are labor and a lot of arrogant Arabs seriously believe they are something better when actually they are not. Now to the shocking part, the woman turned around with a normal face expression and when she saw the man who was honestly apologizing she exploded. She started to yell, insult, offend and basically over react in every single way in front of everyone but more importantly in front of the man’s little son. All I could see was this little boy’s expression, his world was falling apart. What else would anyone expect? When you are five years old your dad is a hero to you, he comes right after Spiderman or Superman or whoever you like most. Your dad is strong, confident, knows everything, can solve anything and above all protect you. And there at a tender five years old you realize the harsh truth way too soon that it is not true. My super dad isn’t all that what I thought he was. Here he is and he cannot even respond to the woman, he cannot even protect himself, how can he protect me? I bet the strong father figure crumbled right in front of his eyes. Watching the little boy’s eyes hurt me, it took my emotions to whole another level, it wasn’t just feelings anymore it was physically harsh and painful.
I regret that I didn’t say anything, it bothers me until now, and I hate to think that I was just standing there. I know it is too late but here is what I wanted to say “Fuck you, who the hell do you think you are? Do you truly actually believe that you are anything better? Do you? Because I don’t just know that you are utterly nothing better but I even highly doubt that you are equal to that man since you cannot even be considerate enough to understand and accept a sincere apology. You yell, insult, and dramatize something too small and insignificant to be mentioned and make a fool of yourself. All I see is a cruel dramatic racist.”